Is not our ultimate purpose in life, to keep doing things which feel right to us? I think that if the only life that we have, is lived in any other way, it would only be regretted when life would be closing in and there would not be enough time to undo the not so right things that we did, or to do the right things that we never did.
Today was the sixth day of Durga-path. I do no derive any pleasure, satisfaction or feel any closer to God by reciting the Sanskrit shlokas. My dad does. He has been doing this pooja every year during Durga-pooja since a long long time and he has received Mata’s blessings not only for himself but for his family. It is his faith. It would have been great if I had the same faith. But I fail. There are few reasons why I have still been sitting with him daily for the pooja-recitals.
First, it’s easy to say ‘yes’ to dad. I don’t remember the last time I said, ‘no’ to him for anything. So when he asked me to join him, I just said ‘yes’.
Secondly, it’s not a big deal. It’s just one and a half hours of my day. I don’t lose anything by doing the pooja. I am on a vacation anyway.
So should I continue doing this ritual even when I don’t feel any spiritual connection between my act and God? Should I let dad live in the illusion that I believe in God in general and Goddess Durga in particular as much as he does?
It’s not that I don’t believe in God. It’s just that the way I define my God has nothing to do with worshipping stones. To me God is simply an unseen force that cris-crosses my life in His own way! Every mystery that the human mind has not yet solved is an act of God. Believing in God gives me strength because it makes me realize that I am not responsible for answering all the questions in life nor am I responsible for everything that happens in my life or others.
I don’t however feel the need to worship or recite shlokas or follow any customs to feel that strength. I don’t see any point in worshipping a stone, trying to please my God. Beyond accepting His existence, there is nothing more that I care about, as far as a God is concerned. I am only concerned about my karma.
Whatever I do should bring happiness or satisfaction or something good to my life either directly or indirectly through bringing happiness to other’s lives. When I do pooja, I probably bring some happiness to my dad. But isn’t this happiness a result of the belief that I have faith in Durga an her powers just like him, than a result of me sitting and doing pooja? If such is the case, then this happiness that I bring to him, is not based on truth. And hence, it doesn’t feel the right thing to do.
I wish it were easy to say it all, verbally, to dad. I wish he at least reads this post.